Why Does God Allow Suffering? Honest Help for When You Are the One Hurting
It is one of the most searched faith questions in America, and it is rarely abstract. What Scripture actually does with pain, why staying stuck in anger at God can affect your health, and how to pray when you have no words left.
The short answer: The Bible does not give one neat answer to suffering, but it never hides from it. Job, the Psalms and Jesus on the cross all ask God why. Being angry or confused with God is common, and lament, an honest prayer of complaint, is the practice Scripture gives for exactly this moment.
The question that is never really abstract
"Why does God allow suffering" is one of the questions Americans search most about faith. But almost no one types it as a philosophy exercise. They type it from a hospital parking lot, after a miscarriage, after the layoff, at 2 a.m. beside someone they love who is not getting better.
That is why tidy answers so often land badly. A person in pain is not asking for a debate. They are asking whether God is still good, whether He is still there, and whether they are allowed to say how much this hurts.
The Bible is not afraid of your question
Many of us were taught, without anyone saying it out loud, that faithful people do not complain to God. Scripture says otherwise. Job curses the day he was born. The prophet Habakkuk asks God how long he must cry out without being heard. Laments are among the most common kinds of psalm, and they were written to be prayed out loud, together, in worship.
And on the cross, Jesus Himself prayed the opening line of Psalm 22: "My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?" (Matthew 27:46, KJV). If the Son of God could say that to the Father, you can say it too.
How long wilt thou forget me, O LORD? for ever? how long wilt thou hide thy face from me?
How long shall I take counsel in my soul, having sorrow in my heart daily?
What Christians have said, and what they have not
Christians across the centuries have offered several ways of understanding suffering. None of them is meant to be handed to a grieving person like a prescription, but each can steady you over time.
- A world that is not yet whole. Scripture describes all of creation as groaning while it waits to be made new (Romans 8:22). Illness and disaster are not presented as God's design, but as part of a broken world He has promised to restore.
- Love requires freedom. Much suffering comes from human choices. A world with real love seems to require real freedom, including the freedom to do harm.
- Not caused does not mean not present. When Jesus' disciples asked whose sin caused a man's blindness, Jesus said it was neither his nor his parents' (John 9:3). Your pain is not proof that you did something wrong.
- God in the fire with us. The promise of Isaiah 43:2 is not that we will avoid the waters and the fire, but that we will not go through them alone. Christians see that promise most clearly in a God who suffered on the cross.
Here is the honest part: none of these fully explains your loss. Even Job never received an explanation. What he received was God's presence. Many people find that, over time, the question slowly changes from "why" to "where are You," and that the second question is one God answers.
Why getting stuck matters for your health
Psychologists call doubts, anger and feelings of abandonment by God "spiritual struggles." They are a normal part of grief. What seems to matter is what happens next.
In a study of 595 hospitalized patients aged 55 and older, those who felt abandoned or punished by God, or abandoned by their church, had a 19% to 28% higher risk of dying over about two years, even after accounting for their illness and mood. The researchers noted that most people work through these feelings, and that the risk was in staying stuck.
Other research points to why people get stuck. In studies led by psychologist Julie Exline, about half of people who admitted anger at God got a judging or disapproving response from someone. Those people were more likely to bury the anger, keep feeling it, pull away from God and misuse alcohol or drugs. People who were met with acceptance were more likely to draw closer to God and report growth.
How to pray when you are angry with God
The Psalms give us a pattern for honest prayer. It is called lament, and it usually moves through four steps. You do not have to get to the last step quickly. Some psalms stay in the dark for a long time.
- 011Turn to GodAddress Him directly, even if all you can say is His name. "O LORD."
- 022Tell the truthSay what happened and how it feels, without polishing it. "How long wilt thou forget me?"
- 033Ask boldlyName what you need: healing, justice, rest, an answer. "Consider and hear me."
- 044Choose trustWhen you are able, recall a reason to hope. "But I have trusted in thy mercy." If you cannot say this yet, let others say it for you.
Try writing your own lament using those four steps. Many people find that putting the words on paper takes some of the weight out of their chest. If praying feels impossible, simply read Psalm 13 or Psalm 88 out loud and let the psalmist pray for you.
What not to say to someone who is suffering
If you are walking with a friend through loss, the research is clear that how people respond matters. Some well meant phrases can deepen the wound.
- Instead of "Everything happens for a reason," try "I am so sorry. This is awful."
- Instead of "God needed another angel," try "I miss her too. Tell me about her."
- Instead of "At least...," try saying nothing and simply staying.
- Instead of "You just need more faith," try "It is okay to be angry. God can handle it."
- Instead of "Let me know if you need anything," try "I am bringing dinner Thursday. Is six okay?"
When grief becomes more than grief
Sorrow is not an illness, and you do not need a diagnosis to deserve care. But sometimes grief and suffering turn into depression that needs treatment, and faith and medicine can work together.
- You have felt hopeless or empty most days for two weeks or more
- You cannot sleep, or cannot get out of bed, for days at a time
- You have stopped eating, or are using alcohol or pills to cope
- You feel guilt or worthlessness that will not lift
- You have thoughts of death or of ending your life. Call or text 988 right away, any time of day
Our guide to finding counseling you can afford lists low cost options, including Christian counselors. If the nights are the hardest, read our guide to a racing mind at 3 a.m..
Frequently asked questions
Is it a sin to be angry at God?
Scripture is full of faithful people who brought their anger to God, including Job, David and Jeremiah. Telling God the truth is a form of trust. What Scripture warns against is letting anger harden into bitterness that pushes God and others away.
Does my suffering mean God is punishing me?
Jesus directly rejected that idea when His disciples assumed a man's blindness was punishment for sin (John 9:3). Suffering in this world is not a reliable sign of anyone's guilt.
Why did God not answer my prayer for healing?
There is no easy answer, and anyone who offers one quickly may not have sat where you are sitting. Many Christians hold two things at once: that God is good and hears every prayer, and that we do not yet see the whole story. It is okay to keep asking.
How do I help a friend who is angry at God?
Listen without correcting. Research suggests that people who are met with acceptance, not judgment, are more likely to work through their struggle and grow. Bring practical help too: a meal, a ride, a quiet visit.
Need a moment to breathe before you pray? Try our two minute guided breathwork.
Free, written by the editors. Unsubscribe in one click.